The feeling is intoxicating. The knowledge that even though your day is packed and that you’ve spent 1:20 sleeping through the course of it, you have at least an extra 4 hours in the day when everyone else is asleep. It’s not that I get to be alone, it’s that I now have time to do things, or at least to dream about doing things during the hours that used to be filled with sleep.
I’ve slept 6.5 hours in the last two days, which is a good ratio compared to my usual 16 hours/48 hours. It’s not a full Ubermann cycle yet, but I’m hopeful that after a few days of this, my naps will solidify and stop being so difficult.
Napping has become a bit of a chore the last few days. I feel tired, but when I lie down at work, especially in the morning, I just end up thinking about things instead of sleeping. I drift on the edge of sleep, feeling like I’m trying to catch a waterfall. When I grip too hard, I lose it and end up having to relax all over again.
I don’t know if this is because I’m just not dead tired like a normal acclimation or because I’ve changed in the last 2 years. I still can nap when I’m tired, and the main sleep I’ve been doing in the evenings/early mornings hasn’t been affected. I just feel like without the insane pressure of two days of no real sleep that the naps are harder. I know I need to have faith and that it takes 3 weeks to set a pattern in the brain, but for now, it’s hard to remember that the quiet time I spend almost sleeping is better than giving up.
Here’s to persistence.